Saturday, January 27, 2007

What Made You Intrested In Gurmat!

Waheguroo Ji Ka Khalsa Waheguroo Ji Ki Fateh!

If your a new into sikhi, you might wana check out this site.Its from Tapoban Forum.Its really intresting reading how our brothers and sisters made it into Sikhi.Alot to learn, its a really long topic, but ill paste here a story, which is similar to mine:) but im worste.Maharaj Kirpa ill write one on how i came into sikhi, that when i ask peshi.Well for now enjoy this story!

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Isn’t it funny how we run to Vaheguru when we are unhappy and how he is our last resort. Even if we try to keep away from this life style if its Vaheguru hukum it will still happen. I remembered just recently when I was about 9 yrs of age, saying to my best friend. ‘I am going to tie a turban like my cousin brother does.’

People say I am missing out in life; you are only young why are you starting this spiritual path now, you’re supposed to do it when you’re old. But little do they know it’s not a two second task. Yes I know in kabir jis sloaks it does say even if you remember Vaheguru when you have old hair its better than nothing. But I don’t think people understand I don’t want to waste time or waste another life time. I can’t go through another 8.4 million lives. This is the highest level of life. Humans have the ability and intellect to get further in this game of life.

I was as they say ‘an ordinary girl.’ Yes I used to do a lot of different things. Before, there was a change in my life. I had my mama ji’s around. When they went for good it was weird. I couldn’t make sense of my life. People assume the children didn’t care much. But I cried every night for TEN yrs. Even if I didn’t, want to think about it. Everything would appear back to that incident. But know one ever knew because I was they shy and quiet girl who didn’t speak. I even said one of them nights I didn’t want anything to do with Vaheguru, because he took my mama ji’s away. I was such a paapi committing the biggest sin. We used to go Gurdwara but I didn’t bother doing my Matha teek. I just didn’t understand. I thought it was my entire fault and Vaheguru hated me.

Eventually when my mummy ji wanted a boy really badly because the older generation would say things to her because she had four girls, things changed. Mummy ji and I used to learn paath with each other. I would teach her what I could make sense of and she would show me. Then we used to all do amrit-vela. It was different. But it was spectacular. My sisters were forced to get up but I used to want to make sure they all did even if it was for five minutes, it was amazing. I can still feel that feeling I had. Makes me think back to the times I told Vaheguru I hated in him, when I was in dukhi and the next minute I’m running to him again. This game is planned so amazingly only the creator the amazing Vaheguru could do it. As well as remembering Vaheguru, I still managed to live life as they say. People seen this other side to me, I got corrupted by the 5 evils. I would go to sessions and be in a different type of peer group. Even though, I never did anything. The fact that I would hang around with these people is more than enough.

Even though I had this bad society, it’s the only way I could learn from my mistakes. But at the end of the day no matter what it was I still didn’t disrespect my father’s name. I can always see people looking down at my father for having four girls. I don’t see anything wrong with it. When people beg for children they don’t care what it is, they just want a healthy baby at the end of the day.

I was the bubbly kurie, everyone in the family would look out for me, and care for me. Even though there were other girls, I was just treated differently. I’m not saying I hated it; yeah I loved because of my ego. I wanted more praises I wanted more people asking who this kurie is. Only close family knew who I was, other than that I didn’t bother with other people because I was so quiet with the family.

But then I developed a different attitude with my friends from school, I was so loud no one would say anything to me. I was so MEAN! Gosh I look back to it now, I had such an attitude no one would dare to mess with me. But without being that girl I would never have learnt this life experience.

With a click of a finger my life changed again. Now this was the big turning point in my life. The things that I cared about before didn’t mean anything. I didn’t want to associate with anyone. Even when I tried my hardest to have a ‘normal life’ I didn’t feel comfortable with it. Everyone started to get angry with me, they thought someone was changing me into something that I wasn’t, but in my heart I new it was right but no one else could tell. Supposed friends and cousins didn’t accept any of it. So I just kept away from everyone. It was my A-level year I didn’t associate with anyone, didn’t want to know anything. I didn’t even go to my sixth form I used to just end up going to the Gurdwara arranging a Simran programs here and there when ever I could get a chance I grasped the opportunity with both of my hands. Things got harsh. Because I kept hearing a different person each day asking who is making you do this.

It’s like they thought of me as a crazy girl. Maybe I am I can’t help it but I could see beyond this normal everyday life. It not jus about the worldly aspects there is more about this game of life. At first I admit I did things, with out knowing the meanings and why. I just did it because I felt the need to.

It all started when I wanted my daddy ji to stop hating me. We had just gone though some tough times and things were said which affected my level of thinking. So to make him happy I asked him what he wanted me to do. I thought whatever it was it would make him love me again. He said to me to make a stand at the Gurdwara sahib about the committees. This was a strong issue for me because I don’t like the way things are, and how certain Gurdwara Sahibs don’t let the youth get involved. So there I stood in a divan full of men arguing some valid points. Not many people knew who I was until that day. The congregation started to talk, who girl is this, Wow she had guts. Then I got invited to some events to talk, then all of a sudden I was made the youth adviser, everyone would come to me to solve issues about the Gurdwara.

Time progressed and eventually my life became involved with the Gurdwara and Sangat nothing else was important. I love Kirtan and Simran, nothing else seemed of any relevance. I just didn’t understand the point of any other music. I didn’t want to listen to the foul kind of music. Bani and Shabad is so sweet wow it’s like I am intoxicated in to words of Vaheguru. I don’t know much; therefore I don’t know the meanings. But I had a desire to find out the meanings.

I was at a Reinsbhai listening to the Kirtan it was amazing. “Gur kin kin preeth lagavo meri heerai, merea preetham naam purana,” (Shabad by Guru Ram Daas ji, pana 697) whilst listen to this Shabad I could feel the Sangat’s love I could feel the world beyond this. Then I started to see even further into life. I realized NO ONE else mattered at the end of the day was anyone there when I would cry my self to sleep, did anyone notice what I felt. Did they really love me if they couldn’t accept who I am? Then it clicked. I didn’t want or need anyone. I realized Vaheguru didn’t need me or anyone he is complete because he is the one! However humans like me we need. That’s why we ask for more each day. ‘’ Bin navi marjiee meri thakur, joi amlee amul lubana.’’ Vaheguru’s name is everything to me; with out it I am as good as dead. Like and addict is addicted to his drugs I am addicted to Vaheguru’s naam!

Out of the blue I wanted to wear a Dastar. I knew what my parents would say about it. Because they already felt weird when I didn’t want to go to family parties, I would just end up being at the local Gurdwara. But I could tell mommy ji used to think why you can’t be that girl we had hopes for.

My pias (thirst) grew even more even if it meant listening to Kirtan for 10 minutes I would get someone to take me to programs. It was like Vaheguru’s Sadh Sangat was attracted to me like a magnet. But then mommy ji started to get angry and she said she wouldn’t take me. My heart just fell; I locked my self in my room and cried out for Vaheguru. Just didn’t understand what I was doing wrong. I didn’t want to go clubbing just wanted to be with the Sadh Sangat.

At that time I would cry for hours and then the last 20 minutes of the program mommy ji would give up and take me. But each time she would say this is the last time. Once I reached right at the end just in time for the Ardass, traveled to Bebi Nanaki just for that. But I felt I had fulfilled my pias.

It hurts me not knowing much about Bani and not knowing how to play the vaja. I fall to my knees when I can hear Kirtan played in devotion. I know before as a young girl, daddy ji would always take us to learn. I learnt bits but I never had that same pias as I have now. I try to teach my self. But because I don’t know anything I end up playing a Kirtan track and sitting infront of the vaja and pressing any note. Singing out loudly, even though I know it’s not in tune but it’s the best I can try. I don’t know may be I feel Vaheguru will show me soon. But when I sit infront of the vaja singing Vaheguru’s praises my heart feels so awakened and peaceful.

Slowly my family got into the Sangat; we always had Kirtan playing in the house. But their pyare (love) started to grow. They liked the Shabad ‘Bandna har bandna.’ it was like this routine we had, all of us would be at the Gurdwara after school or work. The family connections with other cousins didn’t seem as important. Even if we went to family functions, it seemed strange. I got out of going to most of them, because I was busy going to all the Reinsbhai and Kirtan darbars. I loved it I still do.

I even tried to get out of going to my uncles wedding. I was begging anyone to just take me to the Kirtan darbar. Daddy ji was going crazy so I tried to get my baba ji to take me. It was then end of the wedding when the girl was about to come to the house the first time, so of course close family had to be there. But my heart was set on Kirtan and Sangat, so I kept begging. I remember I was willing to do anything to get there, I didn’t care I just needed to go. The wedding house was packed with all the close family. I was crying and crying. No one understood why. Then my baba ji shouted at me, he said, “think logically you can always go to a Kirtan program but this wedding comes once. At this present time, what’s more important family or the program.” I screamed out Sangat!!! Everyone was standing there looking at me thinking what’s got into her. But I didn’t care, and then finally daddy ji gave up and took me.

Every opportunity I can get to listen to Kirtan, Simran, Seva and Sangat I grab with both hands. Because it gives me a feeling which cant be described. Everything else in life can wait but for an opportunity to do these things I take like there is no tomorrow. Since I had this vision in my heart I keep running to it, I can’t help it, I am addicted. No one understands this craving I have. So I started to get told off for everything, daddy Ji gets angry with me. He keeps saying to me other peoples children have got so far in life. Can’t you stop doing Vaheguru for even an instant and think about how you’re going to survive in this world? I laugh each time I get this lecture, because I know it’s not me who is going to provide for me, it’s Vaheguru! However when I say this to him he gets more angry, he keeps saying Vaheguru wont do anything for me. WHY wont he, I am his child! Just like I am a child of my parents from this materialistic world, who have nurtured and cared for me, so will Vaheguru! For example, Kabeer Ji’s mother cries to Kabeer and asks how will her grandchildren be fed if Kabeer has given up on weaving and chants the name of the lord. Kabeer Ji says that he has earned the real profit, the profit of the lord. He says to his mother ‘kaheth Kabeer sunoo meare maaee, hamara ein kaa dhaatha eik raghurai.’’ ‘The lord is the only provider for me and my children.’ (panna 524)

But of course there was always some sort of issue when things like this happen. My phau’s (dad’s sister) family are very western. They would say things like there is “No God why are you running into this path. Its all fake, all you need is a degree in this world. You do everything according to your will.” EACH time I would see the relations it would hurt me. Something silly along those lines would be the issue. The only time they wanted to see me was when they wanted to mock me. At first it would hurt me a lot, but then I realized they didn’t have the ability to understand me. I am on my own journey what others say shouldn’t bother me, especially if they are not going to be with me after I leave from this world.

However the issue of me tieing a Dastar was in my mind. So I used to get my daddy ji’s turban material and tie one when no one was in the house. But one day my sister walked in the house and I was too busy tieing one I didn’t have time to hide it. I begged her not to tell any one because I knew it would cause more tension. So she didn’t say anything.

One day I got my cousin to tie one on me and we went to show my mom ji. She wasn’t pleased. I told her I was going to wear it the next day. Her face dropped she just said “No you’re not wearing it out side of this house”. Then the picture became clear I thought oh no I should just leave it. Everyone was so angry with me following my heart I just don’t understand why.

I carried on with life; it was the time of my exams. And my thirst grew even more. When I was supposed to be revising I ended up walking to the Gurdwara, when I was supposed to be at school in lesson, I would end up listening to Kirtan or reading Bani. Even on the days of my exams I didn’t do anything for them. Mommy ji knew I wasn’t paying much attention but no one could stop me. Vaheguru’s Kirpa my exams went well.

Then all of a sudden I had the thirst for a Dastar again but this time I didn’t think of what others would think. It was my own feeling my own path. So I tried to tie a Dastar again. Then a few days later my sisters caught me again and they were supporting me. Then I felt like the time was right. It was coming to my 18th birthday. I decided that I will wear my Dastar on my birthday. The family wanted to do something so last minute we arranged for Guru Ji to come to the house and Kirtani from New York. It was amazing. My daddy ji came home from his business trip to find his daughter wearing a Dastar! I could remember seeing his face so shocked. All the family came down. They were all shocked.

From that day I had my identity. I stopped covering up what I felt and showed them the real me, the person who was living in my heart. But then things got harder mommy ji stopped talking to me, she would laugh at me, she felt uncomfortable walking with me. Then daddy ji started to say things to me. Then the time came for me waiting for the day to come for them to question me. Then one day I got called downstairs, I got interrogated with questions then they started to say I should just wear a patka. But that wouldn’t show my identity. It wasn’t right. The Dastar helped me so much. I learnt more. I had more understanding I had my discipline. I learned that the rehet (code of conduct) a person kept which is so much more important than the religious identity they kept. So I went on my mission to find my rehet. Even though I know that the outside is not as important as the inside. I couldn’t leave my identity. It’s the roop Vaheguru has given to us. I wanted to keep it.

As soon as I understood this, my life went upside down. They couldn’t take the fact that I had different views. My phau whacked me a few times. But that didn’t bother me. Until she pulled my Dastar off. Then I felt it. I cried for Vaheguru even more. I didn’t understand why I was born in a family as such. Why didn’t they accept it? I wasn’t turning to anything bad. I just had an understand of life. Why didn’t they understand? Things got harder and they kept me away from Sangat even now they don’t want me to have any connection with such people. They just pick on the bad aspect the bad things of life. Why couldn’t they see the love I can see! Why was I born to such a family who have asked and begged Vaheguru for things all their lives and then they turn their back away. Why do they think someone is forcing me to do this? No one else is involved in my path it’s my own route. Even if I try to keep away from this path Vaheguru pulls me back to him. Now I never want to leave Vaheguru.

My heart dropped. For a while I felt maybe Vaheguru doesn’t want me. Maybe I am not worthy enough for him. I know that I am not. I am a paapi (sinner). But I am learning. I am Vaheguru’s child; he won’t turn his back from me. I know that I have faith and I know he will show me what is right. This all has to happened because of my past actions and the fact that he has to test my faith

I got battered for my Dastar but I haven’t given up. I have had abuse thrown at me, telling me how ugly I look with my Dastar. But that night I begged Vaheguru even more. I begged him so much I didn’t want any of this worldly stuff. I didn’t care how much more I would have to go through. But Vaheguru never leave me. Keep me in your charan!!

I have been saying from a young age, that I want to take Amrit; I don’t know what it is like. I don’t know much. But what I do know is just by drinking Amrit does not make you special it’s about you as person and the behaviour you have. But once you have taken Amrit that doesn’t mean mission completed there’s so much beyond that. I know my family doesn’t accept the issue of me taking Amrit they have made that point loud and clear. Mummy ji says it’s because I am young and I don’t know what I am getting into. On top of saying that she says she wants me to enjoy life and she wants me to get married with the traditions. Oh and not forgetting they don’t think it’s possible for me to get married wearing a Dastar. Even if it is going to be impossible then that’s Vaheguru’s hukam. Now they try to threaten me by saying I have to leave their house and get married if I want to take Amrit. So I agreed to their conditions knowing deep inside I don’t want to get married yet. But I feel like I am putting so much tension on them, if it makes them happy and I can carry on with my journey I will do it. As a result of saying yes they backed away, because it didn’t scare me. I know Vaheguru will look out for me.

I went to India for two weeks. I got to go to Patna Sahib and Amritsar. WOW I will never forget the feeling I had from there. I went to do ishnaan at Amritsar sahib but we didn’t have much time because we had to go to the airport. But my mind was set on going into the sarovar. I managed to do my ishnaan. I could feel pure bliss. I was there asking forgiveness and strength to carry out any seva required and to keep Vaheguru close to me at all times. I could feel this weight lifted from me, as I went into the sarovar. I was getting thirsty for Amrit. Nothing bothered me, nothing was harming me. I was in this point of my life where I could feel beauty everywhere. There’s so much I can’t type. I don’t feel there’s any type of word which can sum up these feelings. It’s just Vaheguru!

But then I came back to England. Nothing changed they still thought I was going crazy and I was forced onto this path. I didn’t mind what they called me. But I was hurt when they thought I was forced. I just didn’t understand why could not see my thirst for Naam. I hated everyone for doing this to me. I just didn’t understand. Until recently I could see Vaheguru in everyone. Even, my phau who battered me. I could see Vaheguru with in her. My heart weakened when I saw and felt Vaheguru. I had to ask for forgiveness for being so horrible to her. I had to thank her for hurting me so much. Because with out the dukhi I would never have seen Vaheguru in everyone. Then I learnt that just because no one else understands this route I have took, doesn’t mean they never will. It’s down to this family I am born in that I have got so far. They might not understand yet but it was them who started me on this path. I feel hurt when I see that people are born in a house where there is the treasure of Naam infront of them. But they don’t go toward it they want other pleasures in life. It’s all Vaheguru master plan. He is so miraculous so is his game. “Hukami andhar sab ko, bahar hukam nah koi” everything is Vaheguru’s will, nothing happens outside of his plan.

Even when not being allowed to go the Gurdwara, its part of Vaheguru’s test to see if I would give up or will I find something else to do. When I came back from India I wasn’t allowed to go anywhere. I would dream of doing seva and being in the Sangat chanting the Naam. However with Vaheguru’s blessing I set off to a Gurdwara near my university. It had been 5 weeks with out seeing Sangat and Guru Ji’s Darbar. I went buying gifts to say thank you. Even though I knew these gifts wouldn’t mean as much as love of the Sach (truth.) ‘’Jin prem keyo tin he prab payoo’’ It was like I had been set free from imprisonment. I was so happy that day. I was crying so much to Vaheguru because I missed the devotional Sangat in Guru Ji’s house.

If we want to achieve something in life we have to put our efforts into it. By putting in efforts we will receive or aims via some form. And that form is a form of Vaheguru. Because everything is created from Vaheguru and therefore Vaheguru is in everything. We are never alone whatever we feel, Vaheguru feels. Therefore we should all learn to find Vaheguru with in our hearts.

Aad Sach Jugaad Sach HaiBi Sach
Vaheguru is the truth in this present moment; it was in the past and will be in the future.

With out dukhi we don’t follow Vaheguru. Therefore I ask for more dukhi, because I never want to leave Vaheguru. I’m a lost soul bride looking for my husband. He is the only one who can show me his beauty.

At the end of the day, there is no point in keeping an image on the outside, if inside you don’t have that same feeling. There is nothing higher than truthful living

I don’t know much, so please forgive me if I have said something’s that have offended anyone.

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Its really long, but please spare 10 minutes of yours to read this.I know Preemjet , your reading this blog, and you should read more inspiring stories our brothers and sisters have.

Here the link
http://www.tapoban.org/phorum/read.php?f=1&i=141&t=141

Bhul Chuk Maaf
Waheguroo Ji Ka Khalsa Waheguroo Ji Ki Fateh!

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